School's Out -- Now What?

I know, we had it easy, just getting up in the morning, sending the kids out, talking to them some when you get home from work.

But now you might have them hanging around for extended periods, possibly even requiring interaction and exposure to other intimate moments that may interfere with important Heat pre-game rituals.

What's a parent to do?

Of course -- summer camp, the bestest way to simulate the routine of school when school is actually not in session.

We all know it's enriching -- that's why kids love going so much!

Anyways, Gloria Allred speaks out against cannibalism:

“In addition, Yovonka and I are very concerned about the issue of cannibalism and the number of cases that are being reported in other states and countries, such as Alabama, Canada, Maryland, Japan and Sweden,” Allred said.

A brave position, certainly, but where's the rebuttal?  What lawyer plans to challenge Ms. Allred on her provocative statement?

Unfortunately Magistrate Judge Brown retired before he finished his toe-tappin' life's work (it's on appeal), which means Judge Martinez now has to do it.

Oh yeah (yawn), Scott Rothstein is back, doing what Scott Rothstein always does.

Finally, you already knew this, but Rick Scott's a bully.

(BTW, is that not the best movie intro ever?)

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/06/2836421/publicity-hound-lawyer-cannibalism.html#storylink=cpy

Bismarck's Descendant Met With Chilly Reception at Broward Federal Courthouse.

Can't Bismarck's descendant just keep filing lawsuits against David Rockefeller/President Obama/Al Sharpton/The Pointer Sisters without continually being hassled by The Man?

(For tonight's performance, the role of "The Man" is being played by kindly deputy USMs in the Broward federal courthouse.)

After having one complaint dismissed by Judge Zloch (and his motion for in forma pauperis denied) and another dismissed by Judge Martinez and then another by Judge Cooke (but his in forma pauperis motion was granted!), it seems our erstwhile Squinky, Blinky, and Mod Nazi spy/pro se plaintiff got into a little kerfuffle while one his way to filing yet another magnum opus up in Broward federal court.

Here's the best part:

It took five (5) DUSM's to finally control DELANEY and place him under arrest as he continued to kick and throw closed fist strikes at them.

Five deputy marshalls??

And it only took two of Obama's goons to jump the poor guy as he slept fitfully on an Hawaiian beach.

It's funny I happened to be in line at the courthouse just as all this unfolded, and managed to capture the entire encounter on my smartphone (see above).

Denzel Washington Now Offers PIP Coverage!

There's a lot a talk each legislative session about reforming Florida's PIP laws, but I say if blockbuster Hollywood legend Denzel Washington is now offering PIP coverage, we have to be doing something right:

That at all times, the Defendant Denzel Washington was in the State to provide business, including but not limited to personal injury protection (pip) coverage.

My suggestion to Ms. Miller is that she get a hold of one of Bismarck's relatives and really learn how to load up the allegations when she amends the complaint.

(You gotta pay attention to Iqbal, folks!)

Bismarck's Drafting Skills Could Use Some Work!

Oh the poor hapless descendant of Bismarck's pro se travails in federal court continue.

First, Erica Jung's (sic) loving son got no love from Judge Martinez, even though he specifically namechecked the Pointer Sisters.

Now Judge Cooke offers the royal plaintiff some brief-writing tips.

Admittedly, some of her suggestions in terms of structure and flow are quite technical:

The complaint barely articulates an intelligible sentence and certainly fails to assert a colorable claim for relief. The 12-page document is a rambling collection of quotes, references to historical landmarks, celebrities, movies, and obscure and apocalyptic bible references. Throughout the body of the complaint, Plaintiff has underlined selected words, in no discernable pattern, to reveal what he has identified to be a “coded message.” These “messages” are nothing more than a random collection of words arranged together in incoherent paragraphs.

Hey, this guy's stealing my act!

SHOCKER -- Section 1983 Does Not Protect Bismarck's Descendants!

 Pro se plaintiff Larry Delaney, the love child of Chancellor Bismarck and Erica Jung (I'm guessing he means fully liberated author Erica Jong), just can't catch a break.

Not only was he jumped -- at the personal direction of the President and Vice-President -- by a bunch of goons as he slept peacefully in his sleeping bag on a moonlit Hawaiian beach, but now Judge Martinez thinks his civil rights claims may be frivolous.

Damn you Al Sharpton:

Plaintiff does allege that he was “tied to the whipping post,” but he appears to be speaking figuratively, because he asserts this happened “in . . . coded case law.” Plaintiff also alleges that “President O’bama [sic]” and “Vice President Biden” arranged “to have the Petitioner jumped by two Hawaiians in his sleeping bag” and arranged “for a girl to poison the Petitioner at his apartment complex.” On their face, these allegations, particularly in conjunction with Plaintiff’s other allegations, appear fantastic and delusional. Even if the Court did not dismiss these allegations as frivolous on their face, the Court notes that they do not appear to assert that the President and Vice-President were acting under color of state law.

Oh I see, the old "frolic and detour" defense.

So the Prez and Veep were just having a good time on a Saturday night, I got you Judge M.

Pretty crafty I'll say that, but then again you are in fact dealing with British intelligence and/or the Pointer Sisters.

Will Otto and Erica's kid take this lying down (in his sleeping bag)?

Stay tuned.......

Bismarck's Descendant Is At It Again!

When last we checked in on everyone's favorite SD FL pro se litigant, the busy descendant of Bismarck and Erica Jung was before Judge Zloch articulating a conspiracy involving British intelligence, David Rockefeller, and three children codenamed by the Nazis as "Squirt, Stinky, and Spike."

Now Mr. Delaney is back with a fresh complaint before Judge Martinez, and he has expanded his blockbuster allegations to include Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, President Obama, Pope John Paul, the entire Royal Family (not Pippa!) and of course the Pointer Sisters.

Read on and be amazed and/or stupefied, depending on just how much you trust Detective Kato of the Honolulu Police Department.......

Judge Brown Vindicated; Let's Have a Bench Trial!

Judge Brown Vindication

Peter Halmos' last-ditch toe-tapping effort to have Judge Brown's order of reference vacated has been denied by Judge Martinez.

In a comprehensive order, Judge Martinez addresses specifically the "coerced consent" issue, the "mediator then adjudicator" issue, and the SIMPLY AMAZING(!) "judicial rhetoric" issue.

Here's a taste from footnote one:

Before Judge Brown asked any either party about consent individually, however, counsel represented to Judge Brown that the parties had all agreed to consent.  Judge Brown asked the parties one at a time regarding consent only after counsel made that representation.  Plaintiff's motion omits any mention of this portion of the transcript.

Translation = I've got your back!

Now go have some fun spending endless days proving up damages to a leaky boat.

Judge Martinez Reversed On Forum Non Banana Boat Death

Now that's a headline I thought I'd never write.

Actually, it's a very unfortunate case involving a tourist who died riding a Banana Boat in the Bahamas which Judge Martinez dismissed on forum non grounds.

The original opinion is here.

In a thorough opinion by Middle District of Georgia Judge Hugh Lawson, sitting by designation, the Eleventh Circuit identified a number of serious errors in the district court opinion, including a fundamental one relating to the scope of the relevant inquiry:

The district court considered the Southern District of Florida to be the relevant forum for purposes of the forum non conveniens test. In weighing the private interests, the district court looked only at the contacts between the case and the Southern District. Limiting its consideration to just one judicial district was improper. “[T]he relevant forum for purposes of the federal [forum non conveniens] analysis is the United States as a whole.” Aldana, 578 F.3d at 1293; Esfeld v. Costa Crociere, S.P.A., 289 F.3d 1300, 1303 (11th Cir. 2002) (“[F]ederal courts, in the forum non conveniens context, do not focus on the connection between the case and a particular state, but rather on the connection of the case to the United States as a whole.”) The district court should have analyzed the forum non conveniens question by looking at all contacts between the case and the whole United States. This would include consideration of the plaintiff’s witnesses who are located in Florida, including the eyewitnesses and the damages witnesses, as well as the documentary evidence located in Florida, including documents and records relating to damages. While the district court stated that it was unaware of any witnesses or evidence located in the Southern District of Florida, whether the witnesses and documents are located in the Southern District as opposed to the Middle District is irrelevant in a federal forum non conveniens analysis. It was error for the district court to consider only the contacts that the case had with the Southern District of Florida.

I reviewed the original opinion and don't see any discussion of whether or not the inquiry should be limited to the SD FL or the United States as a whole (and no reference to the controlling Aldana opinion).

Congrats to Gabrielle D'Alemberte for a huge victory and a nice way to end the year (ok, you too Joel but I hope you don't mind if I don't put up your picture).

Gabby's blog is here btw.