"Your Honor, No Pro Se Plaintiff Can Write Like This"!

 What happens when a "pro se" plaintiff dazzles you with her legal acumen and drafting brilliance?

Why of course you cry foul and accuse the pro se scribe of having a secret Christopher Marlowe:

Defendants filed their Motion asserting that it is “manifestly apparent” that an “unknown attorney” is purporting to sign and file pleadings under pro se Plaintiff’s name. According to Defendants, this “unknown attorney” is acting in such a manner to avoid the attorney admission requirements of this Court. Defendants support their assertion by claiming that the number of Plaintiff’s filings “is typical of an established law firm” and that Plaintiff’s pleadings “assert sophisticated legal positions [and], cite legal precedent and Court rules in support of such positions,” and thus “reflect the work product of a trained legal professional, or someone working under the supervision of a trained legal professional (e.g. law student, paralegal or junior associate attorney).” D.E. 125 at 5. Defendants request that this Court dismiss Plaintiff’s Complaint on the basis of this so-called fraud.

So the "evidence" consists of quality legal writing and knowledge of legal precedent and Court rules?

Maybe somebody ought to offer this person a job!

Let's see what Judge Rosenbaum has to say:

The competent quality of a party’s pleadings is not a basis for striking them. Defendants have offered no evidence that indicates someone other than Plaintiff has been filing documents on his behalf, and except for the lone mention of a law firm during discovery, Defendants have offered no evidence that Plaintiff is even in contact with someone who is providing him with legal advice.  Nevertheless, assuming for the sake of argument that Plaintiff is receiving legal advice (which by itself violates no rule), no one but Plaintiff has entered an appearance in this Court on Plaintiff’s behalf. Therefore, Rule 4 of the Special Rules Governing the Admission and Practice of Attorneys of the Local Rules of this Court is inapplicable. And in any event, Rule 4 does not provide the basis for dismissing a complaint. At most, it creates an issue for the bar regulating the alleged covertly practicing attorney. There is certainly nothing here that requires, let alone permits, this Court to dismiss Plaintiff’s case based on Defendants’ respect for the quality of Plaintiff’s briefs.

This seems somewhat obvious, don't you think?

It'd be interesting to assert the opposite -- that the shoddy quality of opposing counsel's work clearly proves that it is being ghost-written by an untrained, unwashed nudnick.

That probably happens more often.

SEC Loses Summary Judgment Motion Against Pro Se Defendant?

How does the SEC lose an sj motion against a pro se defendant?

It's like shooting fraudulent fish in a barrel!

Actually it's not, as Judge Marra explains:

[CENSORED]

I'm sorry I'd like to quote from the opinion but I see it makes repeated reference to the "risk-enhancing" features of an "Inverse Floater" -- which apparently is a defined term(!).

Ahh, thanks but no thanks.

(No wonder this guy had to proceed pro se.)

Bismarck's Descendant Met With Chilly Reception at Broward Federal Courthouse.

Can't Bismarck's descendant just keep filing lawsuits against David Rockefeller/President Obama/Al Sharpton/The Pointer Sisters without continually being hassled by The Man?

(For tonight's performance, the role of "The Man" is being played by kindly deputy USMs in the Broward federal courthouse.)

After having one complaint dismissed by Judge Zloch (and his motion for in forma pauperis denied) and another dismissed by Judge Martinez and then another by Judge Cooke (but his in forma pauperis motion was granted!), it seems our erstwhile Squinky, Blinky, and Mod Nazi spy/pro se plaintiff got into a little kerfuffle while one his way to filing yet another magnum opus up in Broward federal court.

Here's the best part:

It took five (5) DUSM's to finally control DELANEY and place him under arrest as he continued to kick and throw closed fist strikes at them.

Five deputy marshalls??

And it only took two of Obama's goons to jump the poor guy as he slept fitfully on an Hawaiian beach.

It's funny I happened to be in line at the courthouse just as all this unfolded, and managed to capture the entire encounter on my smartphone (see above).

Denzel Washington Now Offers PIP Coverage!

There's a lot a talk each legislative session about reforming Florida's PIP laws, but I say if blockbuster Hollywood legend Denzel Washington is now offering PIP coverage, we have to be doing something right:

That at all times, the Defendant Denzel Washington was in the State to provide business, including but not limited to personal injury protection (pip) coverage.

My suggestion to Ms. Miller is that she get a hold of one of Bismarck's relatives and really learn how to load up the allegations when she amends the complaint.

(You gotta pay attention to Iqbal, folks!)

Bismarck's Drafting Skills Could Use Some Work!

Oh the poor hapless descendant of Bismarck's pro se travails in federal court continue.

First, Erica Jung's (sic) loving son got no love from Judge Martinez, even though he specifically namechecked the Pointer Sisters.

Now Judge Cooke offers the royal plaintiff some brief-writing tips.

Admittedly, some of her suggestions in terms of structure and flow are quite technical:

The complaint barely articulates an intelligible sentence and certainly fails to assert a colorable claim for relief. The 12-page document is a rambling collection of quotes, references to historical landmarks, celebrities, movies, and obscure and apocalyptic bible references. Throughout the body of the complaint, Plaintiff has underlined selected words, in no discernable pattern, to reveal what he has identified to be a “coded message.” These “messages” are nothing more than a random collection of words arranged together in incoherent paragraphs.

Hey, this guy's stealing my act!

SHOCKER -- Section 1983 Does Not Protect Bismarck's Descendants!

 Pro se plaintiff Larry Delaney, the love child of Chancellor Bismarck and Erica Jung (I'm guessing he means fully liberated author Erica Jong), just can't catch a break.

Not only was he jumped -- at the personal direction of the President and Vice-President -- by a bunch of goons as he slept peacefully in his sleeping bag on a moonlit Hawaiian beach, but now Judge Martinez thinks his civil rights claims may be frivolous.

Damn you Al Sharpton:

Plaintiff does allege that he was “tied to the whipping post,” but he appears to be speaking figuratively, because he asserts this happened “in . . . coded case law.” Plaintiff also alleges that “President O’bama [sic]” and “Vice President Biden” arranged “to have the Petitioner jumped by two Hawaiians in his sleeping bag” and arranged “for a girl to poison the Petitioner at his apartment complex.” On their face, these allegations, particularly in conjunction with Plaintiff’s other allegations, appear fantastic and delusional. Even if the Court did not dismiss these allegations as frivolous on their face, the Court notes that they do not appear to assert that the President and Vice-President were acting under color of state law.

Oh I see, the old "frolic and detour" defense.

So the Prez and Veep were just having a good time on a Saturday night, I got you Judge M.

Pretty crafty I'll say that, but then again you are in fact dealing with British intelligence and/or the Pointer Sisters.

Will Otto and Erica's kid take this lying down (in his sleeping bag)?

Stay tuned.......

Bismarck's Descendant Is At It Again!

When last we checked in on everyone's favorite SD FL pro se litigant, the busy descendant of Bismarck and Erica Jung was before Judge Zloch articulating a conspiracy involving British intelligence, David Rockefeller, and three children codenamed by the Nazis as "Squirt, Stinky, and Spike."

Now Mr. Delaney is back with a fresh complaint before Judge Martinez, and he has expanded his blockbuster allegations to include Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, President Obama, Pope John Paul, the entire Royal Family (not Pippa!) and of course the Pointer Sisters.

Read on and be amazed and/or stupefied, depending on just how much you trust Detective Kato of the Honolulu Police Department.......