David J. Stern and the "Too Much Mail" Defense?

If you get a bill in the mail, let's say for your mortgage payment, and you just throw it on top of a giant pile of junk mail accumulating on your kitchen table and never do anything else with it, do you think your bank will care?

Does that mean you never have to pay it?

Now let's say you're David J. Stern and you get an Order from the 5th DCA:

Stern's attorney, Jeff Tew, said SunTrust fired Stern in mid-December, before the Feb. 16 order was issued. Also, with 10,000 pieces of mail coming into the foundering law firm every day, Tew said it's possible the notice wasn't seen.

Ok, but if you didn't get an order approving your withdrawal from the case, aren't you on the hook anyways?

And about that "too much mail" defense......seriously, in what context is that ever a legitimate defense?

David J. Stern: Living the American Dream!

Remember the old joke about the Army -- visit exotic places, meet interesting people, and kill them?

I'm reminded of that by this in depth profile of foreclosure mill maven David J. Stern, who is ably cast by Jeff Tew as the embodiment of the American dream:

“He started from scratch and has built a wonderful legal practice and has made a lot of money,” Tew said. “That’s the American dream isn’t it?”

Hail yes!

Henry Ford dreamed of every American owning an affordable means of transport.

Thomas Edison dreamed of a America lit up from sea to shining sea in glorious technicolor.

And David apparently dreamed of a massive foreclosure factory whose primary purpose is to deprive others of their American Dream:

Hilton Wiener, a Florida attorney who has defended homeowners in foreclosure cases against Stern’s firm, described Stern’s operations as “more similar to a factory than a law firm.” The business, he said, depends on homeowners’ not contesting foreclosures so that cases can move quickly through the courts to judgment, Wiener said, basing his view on former Stern paralegals whom he has hired.

“This is like a production line,” he said. “The bank needs them to get certain results. It just becomes a foreclosure processing mill.”

And really, kids, isn't that what America is all about?

Is Glenn Garvin Now Editing the New York Times?

We've seen what happens when Glenn Garvin takes over an entire newspaper.

But Garvin's appetite, not sated, has apparently led him to edit stories for the Grey Lady herself.

How else to explain this whopper from an otherwise superlative article on the foreclosure mills that infest our state:

In an interview last month, Mr. Stern, the Florida lawyer, accused Mr. McCollum, who is standing for re-election as attorney general, of political motives in opening the inquiry into his firm and others.

Come home Glenn, we're sorry, you were right about Nixon and the Half Hour New Hour, just come on home.....

Bring Back Lew Freeman!

I have noticed a distinct decline in interesting metaphors and wild analogies since Lew Freeman went to jail.

For example, bad karma is catching up with David J. Stern, but look at how his attorney Jeff Tew responds to it all:

The whistleblower's testimony, released last week, is a jarring account alleging widespread fraud and criminal activity at the law firm. Tammie Lou Kapusta, a one-time paralegal at Stern's office, detailed a corporate environment where tampering documents and forging signatures were normal practices, endorsed by high-level executives.

``They wanted us to start changing the documents and stuff and doing stuff that we weren't supposed to be doing as far as service,'' Kapusta told McCollum's staff.

Jeffrey Tew, lawyer for Stern's law office, has dismissed Kapusta's testimony as categorically false.

``It's not true what she says,'' he said. ``She was terminated for cause. It sounds like a cliché but it's a disgruntled employee out for revenge.''

Jeff, you've given us some tear-welling prose before, but this time you're right -- it does sound exactly like a cliché.

 

But I know how Big Lew would have handled this.

 

Lew would have pulled out a spectacular, mind-blowing nautical analogy, like:

 

"She's like the iceberg on the Titanic, and we're all going down with the ship"!

Or

"That woman is like a bad meatball sub -- she keeps repeating on you the next day."

Or

“There’s so much backed up that when it comes out we are going to need hip boots.  It’s going to stink, and it’s going to be deep.”

Wait a minute on that last one -- Lew actually said that.

The Heart-Pounding Excitement of Being A Civil Litigator!

A lot of people ask me what being a civil litigator is like.

Do we "put criminals away"?

Do we "free wrongly accused innocents"?

Do we battle massive corporate wrongdoing in decisive courtroom confrontations, ala Erin Brockovich or A Civil Action?

Well I happened upon the perfect quote that encapsulates the majesty, the wonder, the excitement, and the just-plain sheer awe of being a corporate litigator:

"We went ahead and voluntarily produced documents that we thought were relevant,'' he said. "We filed a motion to modify our production, and we produced [documents] within those parameters.''

"We produced documents within those parameters."

 

You know, I get shivers up my spine every time I read that.

 

Thank you, Jeff Tew!

David J. Stern Is Just Like Hawkeye Pierce.

Or something like that, according to his attorney Jeff Tew:

“David Stern didn’t create that problem; he is representing banks who are entitled to foreclose. Since he is the visible person, he will get a lot of bad publicity. There’s been a huge train wreck and David is like the surgeon in the ER: He is part of the process.”

Which part, exactly?

Speaking of lawyers doing good things, our friends over at Spencer Aronfeld's office along with some other legal do-goodnicks will be serving dinner and giving free legal advice to the homeless at Camillus House this afternoon at 5:30 p.m.

All I can say is that's great and hi Madelyn hi Madelyn hi Madelyn hi Madelyn! 

(Oops, was that out loud?)

Seriously, if you're free please lend them a hand (and bring Spence a decent pair of tennis shoes so he doesn't have to borrow from his mother again).