Bring Back Lew Freeman!

I have noticed a distinct decline in interesting metaphors and wild analogies since Lew Freeman went to jail.

For example, bad karma is catching up with David J. Stern, but look at how his attorney Jeff Tew responds to it all:

The whistleblower's testimony, released last week, is a jarring account alleging widespread fraud and criminal activity at the law firm. Tammie Lou Kapusta, a one-time paralegal at Stern's office, detailed a corporate environment where tampering documents and forging signatures were normal practices, endorsed by high-level executives.

``They wanted us to start changing the documents and stuff and doing stuff that we weren't supposed to be doing as far as service,'' Kapusta told McCollum's staff.

Jeffrey Tew, lawyer for Stern's law office, has dismissed Kapusta's testimony as categorically false.

``It's not true what she says,'' he said. ``She was terminated for cause. It sounds like a cliché but it's a disgruntled employee out for revenge.''

Jeff, you've given us some tear-welling prose before, but this time you're right -- it does sound exactly like a cliché.

 

But I know how Big Lew would have handled this.

 

Lew would have pulled out a spectacular, mind-blowing nautical analogy, like:

 

"She's like the iceberg on the Titanic, and we're all going down with the ship"!

Or

"That woman is like a bad meatball sub -- she keeps repeating on you the next day."

Or

“There’s so much backed up that when it comes out we are going to need hip boots.  It’s going to stink, and it’s going to be deep.”

Wait a minute on that last one -- Lew actually said that.