3d DCA Watch -- Dumb Cases Make Dumb Law.

As we prepare ourselves for a post-Ramirez 3d DCA, let's take a look at what the bunker dwellers have been doing with The Big Man still on board:

Leibell v. Miami-Dade County:

Here we have Judge Shepherd and a class action.

Now before you jump to any conclusions, let me just say this sounds to me like a really dumb case so I can understand why the trial and appellate courts ruled the way they did.

Next stop for plaintiff:  OCCUPY VENETIAN ISLANDS!

Crestview II v. TotalBank:

 Have you heard this one -- Harry Payton, Tew Cardenas, and Dexter Lehtinen walk into a bar......

Alvin Gentry v. Morgan:

This is a child support modification case, in which Judge Ramirez observes:

While there may be moral deficiencies in Gentry’s refusal to facilitate his child’s academic achievement, we cannot say these deficiencies require overriding an agreement that is legally valid.

 So true.

That's where the whole Hebrew National "higher authority" thing comes in.

Al Cardenas' Wife Said Something About Gays on Facebook!

Facebook isn't just a place where Sarah Palin can free associate deep thoughts about 'Merica and you can see what your old high school girlfriend's kids look like, it's also a place where Al Cardenas' wife can share her thoughts about gays with the world.

As broken by Steve Rothaus, here are some exclamation-filled excerpts:

"Well, there is no reason not to like them or love them, the same way you would love one who has a disability, or an illness, etc.," Diana Cardenas wrote. She added: "You know I always wondered why homosexuals are referred to as 'gay', kind of an oxymoron? Nothing really 'gay' about them or their movement."

The timing turned out to be somewhat awkward, as Big Al was about to meet with GOProud about why the American Conservative Union banned their group from having a closet booth at CPAC:

Cardenas said of the previously scheduled meeting with GOProud: "It was not easy." He added: "I love my wife more than life and I think we agree on the issue of traditional marriage, but I disagree with some of the things that she said."

SAVE Dade, meanwhile, released their own statement and called on Mrs. Cardenas to retract her comments:

"For the sake of moving forward with bridging the divide in our community, and bringing together all minorities, be it ethnic, racial or religious, Mrs. Cardenas should temper her offensive and disgusting remarks. We sincerely hope she will retract her public comments that aim to hurt so many, and pauses to reflect on the pain she has caused her community;"

I don't get organizations like GOProud.

It'd be like a Jewish support group in the 1970s for the Riviera Country Club, where you support everything about the club except for the fact that the members want nothing to do with you and would rather you go away.

Unfortunately, that issue is out there and you'll just have to agree to disagree.

But on the color of the table napkins you and the club share the exact same vision!

The Heart-Pounding Excitement of Being A Civil Litigator!

A lot of people ask me what being a civil litigator is like.

Do we "put criminals away"?

Do we "free wrongly accused innocents"?

Do we battle massive corporate wrongdoing in decisive courtroom confrontations, ala Erin Brockovich or A Civil Action?

Well I happened upon the perfect quote that encapsulates the majesty, the wonder, the excitement, and the just-plain sheer awe of being a corporate litigator:

"We went ahead and voluntarily produced documents that we thought were relevant,'' he said. "We filed a motion to modify our production, and we produced [documents] within those parameters.''

"We produced documents within those parameters."

 

You know, I get shivers up my spine every time I read that.

 

Thank you, Jeff Tew!

The Tew Cardenas Rumors Are True.

Several of you have been speculating about this for a while, and it's true -- five Tew Cardenas partners, including recent New York wine purchaser Tom Lehman, have announced the formation of their new firm:

Managing partner Thomas Lehman and partners Stuart I. Grossman, David Levine, Lawrence Kellogg and Jeffrey Schneider anticipate opening their own firm by the end of the month to be called Levine Kellogg Lehman Schneider & Grossman.

Hmm, name's a little long, how about LKLS&G?

Still doesn't exactly roll off the tongue but it'll work.

Congrats boys!

Tom Lehman Talks/Buys Wine In the NYT

I was going to do a year-end wrap up, but then I thought I just read about Tew Cardenas lawyer Tom Lehman discussing wine in the NYT?

No, it was not a dream:

And Mr. Truax shepherded Tom Lehman, “our friend from Florida,” he said, around the store.

Mr. Lehman, 57, is a bankruptcy lawyer who lives in Miami but was spending the holidays in the area, and was shopping for a case of wine for himself and his wife. With South Florida still gripped by the recession, business for him has been good this year, he said, so even though he tries to economize by snapping up the wine bargains he sees, he has not had to cut back.

“One of the things that’s alluring about this wine shop is that they get a lot of cellars,” he said, adding that he stops by the store whenever he is in town. “I wish my habits had changed and reduced, but I still continue to buy good wine.”

Hey, same with me -- MD 20/20, Boone's Farm, white Zin, you know, all the good stuff.

All My Favorite Places, My City Had Been Pulled Down

When I was young and foolish, some of us downtown lawyers would actually go eat on the Miami River. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was true -- you used to be able to get a fresh snapper sandwich at a reasonable price, from a real fish joint. Weird, right? (Believe me, Bijan's does not count.) Sometimes we'd even head over there for cocktails after work, and watch the bales of weed and coke get offloaded pretty much right there on the docks. Ahh, good times.

But those days are gone. So gather round kiddies, as ole' Uncle SFL spins yet another tale of screwed-up Miami bureaucracy (but don't worry that half-billion dollar stadium will go swimmingly):

''It's very depressing,'' said Arva Moore Parks, a Miami historian who chairs the city's Planning Advisory Board and recalls accompanying her parents to buy fish at East Coast Fisheries in the 1940s.

``I hate to lose the building. The worst part of it is allowing an owner to let the building deteriorate like that. There has to be city responsibility. They didn't make the owners do the things that would have saved it.''

EARLY DAYS

The building, 40 SW North River Dr., opened as Miller's Fish Market in 1926, a time when the river was the center of a thriving commercial fisheries industry. At one point, 11 fish houses stood on the banks of the river, but none was as architecturally distinctive as East Coast Fisheries, which boasts the Mediterranean Revival style emblematic of Miami's 1920s land boom, a city designation report says.

The Swartz family bought the building in 1933 for its wholesale seafood operations and renamed it East Coast Fisheries. It was converted into a restaurant in the 1970s.

Owner Peter Swartz, the founder's grandson, unsuccessfully fought city efforts to protect the building, saying it was too deteriorated to restore. He then sold it to a developer.

The city historic board approved the new owners' plan to renovate and expand the historic building for use as a restaurant and marketplace. But the property went into foreclosure and was acquired by Canyon Capital, a development and real estate firm.

In the meantime, the building sat vacant, windows gaping open, stripped of wiring and plumbing, a haven for drug users and the homeless, police say.

City officials say they tried for years to get the building's owners to secure it properly. The city's code enforcement director, Mariano Loret De Mola, said it has proven difficult: Trespassers have easily and repeatedly broken through chain-link fencing and pried open boards covering entrances and windows. The building's rear could not be fenced off because the back wall goes directly into the river, he said.

''I believe it is almost impossible to secure this building,'' Loret De Mola said in an interview.

At one point this year, fines against Canyon for allegedly failing to secure the building mounted to $150,000. But the city's Code Enforcement Board reduced the fine to $2,500 after Canyon agreed to board it up again and repair the fencing. However, Loret De Mola cited the owners again in July, saying access was open again.

Infuriated preservationists and historic-board members called the code enforcement board action ''a joke'' and ''outrageous'' when Loret De Mora asked for demolition permission in July. Loret De Mola noted he has no control over the independent board.

''Who would fix anything up if that happens? I found the whole thing here shocking,'' activist and tourism promoter George Neary told the preservation board. ``It's disgusting.''

The demolition request also flummoxed the property's current owners. Their attorneys said Canyon Capital has secured the building as well as possible, and had not intended to demolish for one overriding reason: The sliver of property is so narrow and oddly shaped that zoning rules would not accommodate new development.

But historic zoning regulations do allow restoration and expansion of the existing building. Canyon Capital's attorney, Santiago Echemendia, said the owners would be willing to reproduce the historic building as part of a larger redevelopment plan if the city would support necessary zoning variances.

''We are potentially adversely affected,'' Echemendia said.

POWERLESS

The city's preservation officer, Ellen Uguccioni, said there was not a lot her office could do to salvage the building. Unlike Miami Beach, where the city can order owners to rebuild in cases of demolition by neglect, Miami's historic preservation office can only ask building officials to intervene when a historic structure is endangered. ''What happens is it can take so very long, by the time you get to the code enforcement board, it doesn't help us. There is no quick fix,'' Uguccioni said.

Building officials and the preservation office are now sharing computer files so Uguccioni can be alerted quickly if problems crop up in the future.

In the case of East Coast Fisheries, however, Uguccioni said she did not even know the city was fining the owners for violations, and a demolition permit was being pursued, until Loret De Mola went to the historic board.

Come on Santiago, don't leave us hanging, dude. Work your magic and that next fish sandwich is on me.