Spencer Aronfeld Brings You the Worst!

Ron Worst, that is.

In other news, GB points out this gem from the Emmanuel Roy/Peter Mayas contempt proceedings before Magistrate Judge Turnoff:

Then Mayas skipped a court hearing last week, in part he said, because he got sick after undergoing a colonoscopy. But the judge wasn't buying it .

"There's simply no excuse'' for his failure to show up in court last week, Turnoff told Mayas.

When Coulton's lawyer, Paul Petruzzi, told the judge Mayas had not handed over the keys to his vehicle and his Monarch Lakes home, the judge demanded he turn over the keys in court.

As Mayas fumbled with his briefcase and his keyring for what seemed an unnecessarily long time, the judge cracked: "I bet the colonoscopy was easier than this."

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

"You Hardly Talk to Me Anymore, You Barely Write"!

Sure NY lawyer Emmanuel Roy wrote just about the awesomest letter to ever-patient Magistrate Judge Turnoff, evincing not even one iota of "stumpiness" toward the Court, but apparently the good Judge still expects a visit:

The undersigned will set this matter for status conference once Respondent Emmanuel Roy appears before this Court.

Get a clue, Emmanuel, nudge nudge wink wink:

You hardly talk to me anymore
When I come through the door
At the end of the day

Meanwhile, local attorney Peter Mayas no longer has a fool for a client, which is a good thing.

Emmanuel Roy Done Wrote Judge Turnoff a Letter!

The legal travails of NY lawyer Emmanuel Roy continue.  Mr. Roy recently failed to appear before Magistrate Judge Turnoff, leading the Judge to issue a bench warrant for Mr. Roy's arrest. But Roy decided to fight back -- by writing the Judge a letter. You can read the letter here, which sets forth a number of lame excuses reasons for Mr. Roy's failure to appear, and includes this memorable line:

I trust that the court will not conclude that I have decided to stump my nose at it, for any party who does so does it as his own peril.

Yes, no one should stump their nose at the Court, on that I think we can all agree. Despite the arguments raised in the letter, sources advise that Mr. Roy was arrested in the Big Apple, denied bond by a NY mag, and is on his way to sunny South Florida. Meanwhile, Mr. Mayas has a lawyer and is trying to settle his own issues. A hearing is set for Tuesday before Magistrate Judge Turnoff -- and nobody better stump his nose at this very fine Judge.

"He is Going to Be Arrested and Brought Before Me."

Quick, name which judge was speaking about which lawyer in that quote?

Wrong!

It was Magistrate Judge Turnoff, referring to NY attorney Emmanuel Roy, after Roy failed to show for a contempt hearing:

Emmanuel Roy didn't show up at the federal courthouse in Miami for Friday afternoon's contempt hearing, an absence that was not taken lightly by U.S. Magistrate Judge William Turnoff. Although he stopped short of finding Roy in contempt of court, Turnoff issued a bench warrant for the wayward attorney.

"He is going to be arrested and brought before me," Turnoff said.

Peter Mayas of Plantation didn't fare too well either:

"When a lawyer represents a client, they sign a contract, a retainer," Mayas said outside court Friday. "Mr. Coulton never retained me as his lawyer." He conceded that he was present during at least one legal proceeding for Coulton, but said it was only to assist Roy and not as Coulton's lawyer.

Unimpressed with the distinction, Turnoff said Mayas' denial – uttered in court under oath on May 31 – sounded so much like perjury that he all but invited federal prosecutors to arrest Mayas before he could leave the federal courthouse in downtown Miami. They did not.

Mayas, who is not authorized to practice law in federal court, showed up without a lawyer to represent him Friday and said he could not afford to hire one. He insisted that he never took any money from Coulton.

"Not one check was made in my name," he said. "Not one payment went to me. Why am I being harassed?"

Aah yes, the eternal question and a perfect one for a Monday.

Not Exactly How You Should Be Practicing Law.

I hate to be all Debbie Downer today but when you read an order like this your mouth goes agape and pretty much stays that way until you obtain and down a shot of whiskey to help forget what you just read.

Can't anyone ever send over some good news?