Surfside Hires Gerald Houlihan For Only $750 an Hour!

Boy do those schleppers in Surfside know how to cut a deal.

For example, after getting hit with a federal lawsuit over a refusal to make some zoning changes to accommodate an expanded synagogue, the town attorney allegedly recommended they hire a federal lawsuit "specialist" who she -- according to this New Times article -- also just happens to be "dating," none other than dashing Gerry Houlihan:

This past December, Young Israel of Bal Harbour — a Jewish congregation that is actually based in Surfside — filed a lawsuit against the town after the town commission voted no to make zoning amendments that would have allowed the group to establish a new synagogue on an 8,000-square-foot lot it had purchased for $1.5 million. Young Israel claimed this was a violation of its members' religious rights, and demanded $5 million in punitive damages.

This sounds like a job for that town attorney. Except Dannheisser opined that the case required a specialist in federal lawsuits. She "looked around for the most experienced litigator," she explained at a recent commission meeting. She officially recommended that the town hire Gerald Houlihan. The Coral Gables attorney and Dannheisser are, by her own public admission, "dating." Houlihan's firm agreed to represent Surfside in the battle against the Jewish congregation for the low, low price of $750 an hour.

What's the problem?

Isn't that the whole point of being a town attorney -- steering business to friends, lovers and former colleagues?

Seriously, why else do it?

(I guess there's also all the free tickets!)

I also think Lynn cut a great deal getting Gerry at a bargain basement rate -- the dude's practically doing this pro bono as a public service -- just listen to Lynn explain it:

Dannheisser's somewhat mind-blowing defense: that Surfside has already obtained the services of another law firm — Weiss, Serota & Helfman — and that she was once a law partner with Joe Serota. Dannheisser boasted that "because of those personal relationships, I have been able to request that the attorneys cut their legal fees from $500 an hour to $250 per hour." That, she claimed, is "the benefit of those relationships."

Indeed.

(Psst -- don't tell anyone about what Michael Pizzi is charging the town of Medley, it might make Gerry seem a little pricey).

Pizzi Logic: Lesson #318

“If this is the worst thing anybody can say about me that I referred an alleged crime victim to the police about some table, then I must be a pretty ethical and upstanding person,” Pizzi said.

Today's lesson underwritten by Medley taxpayers at the heavily discounted rate of $500 $80 an hour.

Bonus preview of Lesson #319:

“If rambling on and glad-handing and placating concerned constituents is a crime, I think every elected official in Dade County would get the death penalty.”

Michael Pizzi Gets $500 an Hour?

Strike that.

I meant to say Michael Pizzi gets $500 an hour!

Well, except when he's trying to seal a deal:

The tipping point came when Pizzi offered to undercut Wolfe’s fee. Though Wolfe’s firm billed the city $85 per hour, Pizzi said he would beat this price.

“My typical rate is $500 per hour, but I will accept the reduced rate of $80 per hour in order to assist your city,” said Pizzi, who insisted that any agreement be made not with him but rather with his law firm, Michael A. Pizzi LLC. The council did not immediately decide how many hours per week they planned to pay for Pizzi’s services.

Eighty bucks an hour?

Wow, I've got a landscaper that bills at a higher rate.

This is truly a magnanimous gesture (unless, perhaps, for Mel Wolfe).

Michael Pizzi: Eat as I Say, Not as I Do.

Hi kids, just a quick Labor Day update.

I hope everyone saw yesterday's smart NYT profile on Florida's disastrous mortgage foreclosure legal crisis, with appearances by regulars such as foreclosure maven David J. Stern and our own tireless Judge Jennifer D. Bailey.

Here's a fun fact about David:

The lawyer most closely identified with Florida’s foreclosure morass is David J. Stern. He is something of a mystery man within the foreclosure world; it is impossible to reach him by phone since his name is not in the firm’s voice-mail directory and, until recently, there were no publicly available photographs of him.

Several prominent borrowers’ lawyers who have litigated against his firm say they have never met him.

Whiners.

Let me explain something to you -- meetings are for closers!

Then there's this nice write-up on Judge Bailey's efforts to reform the system:

Another popular practice that ties up courts’ calendars occurs after a foreclosure is granted and the property is scheduled to be returned to the bank. As ownership shifts from borrower to bank, so do all the obligations associated with it, like payment of homeowners’ association dues.

But few banks want to pay these bills, so firms representing them move to delay the final step in the process by canceling the sale of a foreclosed property at the last minute, court officials say. This does not require the banks to restart the foreclosure process, but it keeps the property in the hands of the borrower, who remains responsible for maintenance and association dues.

Earlier this year, Jennifer D. Bailey, administrative judge in Miami-Dade County, said such cancellations were occurring in 55 percent of cases in her district. In July, she instituted new rules to reduce last-minute cancellations, including a requirement that a judge hear the reason.

Reason -- what a concept.

But let's talk about the real reason I got dragged back to my computer on this soggy Labor Day -- some people think Michael Pizzi is fat:

Miami Lakes resident Adrienne Chiron chastised Pizzi for recently speaking to seniors about healthy living -- and not practicing what he preached. She pointed to a photo from a senior lecture on living with a healthy body and mind in The Miami Herald's Neighbors section, which showed a less than flattering profile of Pizzi.

``Shame on you!'' Chiron wrote in an e-mail. ``PLEASE! Don't take off your jacket for a photo op until you've dropped 10 pounds!''

In an interview, Pizzi said his weight should not be the government's top priority.

``Seriously, with record low taxes and crime, people can stand a few pounds,'' he said.

I agree.

Indeed, in some cultures girth is a sign of success, wealth and prominence.

So I say to you, dear Mikey -- keep eating.

Bumper Stickers Are Fun, They're Just Good Clean Fun!

Oh boy, when I become an elected official I plan to toilet paper the house of my political rival, offer him some fake gum that snaps his finger, and of course paste a nice big bumper sticker on his car (and get caught on video tape doing it!):

When Miami Lakes Councilman Richard Pulido found two large bumper stickers plastered on his car outside Town Hall, he thought his car had been vandalized.

Turns out it was a joke.

The prankster: Miami Lakes Mayor Michael Pizzi.

The political punch line: The red, white and blue decals supported the reelection campaign of Councilman George Lopez, a Pizzi ally whom Pulido has publicly criticized for running despite a pledge not to.
``I've taken the mayor at his word that this was a joke,'' Pulido said.

Pizzi said his prank was meant to ease tension.

``No harm, no foul. Heaven forbid we lose our sense of humor,'' Pizzi said.

I agree with Mike and -- this may surprise no one -- I'm a strong believer the world would be a better place if everyone just eased each other's tension at least once a day.

Bad Buddy Cop Movie Fan Files Whistle Blower Suit!

We already know that former Miami budget chief Michael Boudreaux enjoys bad movies -- hail he was one of about 16 people in the nation who actually saw Cop Out in a movie theater -- but now the buddy cop genre aficionado has went ahead and filed a whistleblower suit -- just like Matt Damon in The Informant(!):

Boudreaux's eight-page lawsuit said he intended to cooperate with the SEC inquiry -- but was punished for it.

Boudreaux says when he insisted on telling the truth about alleged ``malfeasance'' of former Miami Mayor Manny Diaz, current Mayor Tomás Regalado, former City Manager Pete Hernandez and other top managers, he was terminated to ``discredit him.''

``This complaint concerns the actions of city of Miami officials to punish, smear, and even concoct false allegations of criminal conduct against this dedicated city employee who dared to tell the truth,'' the lawsuit said.

Boudreaux, through his blue-eyed lawyer Michael Pizzi, also contends that when he brought these concerns to the City, he was "targeted for ridicule."

That's just wrong.

You can gently tease him over his movie choices, sure, but when millions of dollars of lost taxpayer money is at stake, maybe you should take his concerns a little more seriously?

Now, if he is passionately defending the merits of Tango and Cash, I can understand a little attitude....

Michael Pizzi Employs "Bad Cop Buddy Movie" Defense!

According to Michael Pizzi, there's no way his client Michael Boudreaux had anything to do with the missing Miami budget files because Boudreaux has horrific, astoundingly bad taste in movies:

According to printouts of receipts supplied by Pizzi, at 7:28 p.m. that Sunday, Boudreaux bought two tickets for $19.50 to see the movie Cop Out at the Cobb Movie Theatres in Miami Lakes -- more than 19 miles from the Riverside Center, making it highly unlikely he could have been at the city building at 7.

At 7:42 p.m., Boudreaux dropped $12.15 on a Cobbster Combo, the receipt shows.

Pizzi then produced Netflix receipts establishing that Boudreaux returned home later that evening and enjoyed Michael J. Fox's delightful performance in The Hard Way, Robert De Niro's comic turn in Showtime, and finished up with Sylvester Stallone's seminal masterpiece Tango & Cash.

Related question -- who keeps movie ticket/snack bar receipts?

Michael Pizzi's Law Office Ablaze!

That blue-eyed Mayor and talk show host, Michael Pizzi, found out late last night that his Miami Lakes law office was mysteriously ablaze.

According to a spokesman from Miami Lakes interviewed by CBS4, the police suspect possible arson.

Michael claims he "will not be deterred."

Sheesh, first Barton G., now Michael's office -- why all the fires all of a sudden?

"America's Mayor" Michael Pizzi Declares Peace in Our Time!

Using his piercing blue eyes and patented unique interpersonal skills, Michael Pizzi is now one step closer to world domination by seizing the Kingdom of Miami Lakes.

Standing upon his bar top throne and surveying the faithful, Pizzi magnanimously imposed his first decree, declaring all weapons to be turned into plowshares, or something like that:

"At the end of the day it feels good,'' Pizzi said from The Billiard Club, where he gave his victory speech from a bar top. ``It's time for Miami Lakes to come together as one united group. At this point, I call upon all my supporters in the entire town to immediately end the campaign, put away the bitterness and rhetoric and let's unite as one big happy family.''

Perhaps caught up in the moment, Pizzi continued:

"No, I mean literally," he added. "I want a group hug right now or you all are going to bed without any dinner." Pizzi then retired to his royal chambers, where he reportedly began quietly planning the invasion of nearby Opa-Locka.

I kid I kid, Mike, stick with suing the rock miners, ok? Congrats buddy you deserve it.

The Dolcent Tones of Michael Pizzi

Imagine my surprise on Saturday when, after learning how to improve my skin, increase joint mobility, and discovering the wonders of the acaii berry, my radio somehow tuned into the soothing sounds of Michael Pizzi.

Yes, that blue-eyed devil has a radio show! And, in a moment of serendipity, Mike had on none other than Richard Epstein, previously featured in our post here.

Mike, good show but here's my advice to make it even better: more crazy callers, and try to punctuate every third or fourth sentence with a loud "LISTEN!" That is a sure formula for radio success.