I'm Back! (The Situation, Not So Much).

Hi kids, did June even happen?

It feels like a Dallas/Newhart fever dream, what with Guest Blogger, Godwhacker, someone named Faker SFL, someone named "Patrick Goggins" (I'm kidding!), lots of prurient content (if you're grumpy gus Scalia) -- plus a certified Time Traveler.

I wish I could say I'm fully rested and restored, but I spent a month in sybaritic pursuit of frivolous, purely hedonistic pleasures, pushing myself to and beyond all known mental and physical limits, until I literally collapsed from exhaustion, unable to imbibe through my senses or pores even one more delectable morsel of transitory joy from my decadent surroundings, leaving me drained and emptied of all energy and life force, quaking quietly and gasping for breath as I pulled myself together and somehow crawled with trembling hands and unsteady feet back into my law office.

And summer's just kicking in!

Let's start the week off with a thorough, devastating legal defeat for our good friend The Situation, courtesy of the always dapper Magistrate Judge O'Sullivan:

The undersigned finds that the plaintiffs have failed to present a triable issue of fact as to whether the defendants’ “The Fitchuation” t-shirt was likely to confuse consumers into believing that the shirt came from the plaintiff rather than A&F. Additionally, the plaintiffs did not satisfy their burden of showing that they had valid rights to “The Situation” as a trademark covering apparel at the time that A&F introduced its “The Fitchuation” t-shirt.

See, this is important legal stuff!

My informed legal opinion:  Once the Houlinator™ entered an appearance, put a stick in it, The Situation was done.

But that's why God gave us appellate courts, right?

"The Situation" vs. A&F -- Trial in August!

Incredibly, The Situation's case against Abercrombie and Fitch rolls on, with the parties having consented to trial in August before Magistrate Judge O'Sullivan.

The defendant has brought on Gerry Houlihan as counsel, and there is a sj motion pending, but it's hard to believe the parties have not been able to resolve this one already.

(A whole bunch of documents filed in the case remain under seal, but this may change after the Magistrate Judge asked the parties to address that issue.)

Getting Cute With the Line Spacing?

I'm really enjoying this suit involving "The Situation" and Abercrombie & Fitch pending before Judge Lenard.

The parties are busy briefing a motion to dismiss directed to the second amended complaint, and a motion to strike stuff from that pleading, but I found this footnote to be interesting:

Plaintiffs’ one and half spaced brief (ECF No. 75) violates Judge Lenard’s order requiring that all filings be double-spaced (ECF No. 38, p. 10) and S.D. Fla. R. 5.1(a)(4) requiring 12 point font for all text including footnotes.

Hold the presses -- could this be true?

Can you imagine somebody playing with the spacing in order to get more room in the brief?

What is the world coming to!

(Just look at that spacing above.)

"The Situation" Continues to Cause a Situation for Abercrombie & Fitch!

The lawsuit over Abercrombie & Fitch's ostensible aggrievement over Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino wearing its clothing rolls on before Judge Lenard, with a second amended complaint and motion to dismiss and response.

This all after David Lichter was unable to settle the case at the end of June.

From the response:

In August of 2011, Defendants issued what they have termed a ―press release‖ as part of an international advertising campaign, using Sorrentino‘s name and the Mark in order to create enormous public awareness, notoriety and publicity of its‘ brand, its‘ stores, its‘ products and its‘ e-commerce web sites. (DE 68 Ex. B). (The ―Press Release‖) The face of the Press Release promotes the stores operated by Defendants and it directs viewers to the web addresses of their e-commerce sites, where Defendants sell their branded products. The engine that drove the huge publicity and marketing campaign that was intended (and did in fact follow), was the use of Plaintiff‘s name and the Mark. (DE 68 ¶14, 15, 33, & 57 and Ex. B).

On August 12, 2011,1 Defendants embarked on this global advertising campaign, using Sorrentino‘s name and the Mark to enhance brand awareness for its products by falsely claiming that Abercrombie had offered money to Sorrentino to stop wearing their goods. Sorrentino was humiliated and demeaned as a result of Abercrombie‘s advertising campaign. Abercrombie disseminated the Press Release among all major news distribution outlets and to other news mediums. Defendants also published the Press Release on their website and on their official Facebook page (hereafter, ―the Facebook Post‖). At no time, did Sorrentino, or anybody acting on his behalf, give implied or express permission to Defendants to use Sorrentino‘s name and/or his Mark in commerce.

Interesting question as to how much the case is worth under 540.08.  The Situation wants in excess of $5 million plus punis, obviously A&F will say it's worth much less.

Who knew the guy even wore shirts?

Randazza Enters Lynn Dannheiser/Surfside Dispute.

Marc Randazza's law firm comes to the defense of Surfside bloggers who have been criticizing Surfside City Attorney Lynn Dannheiser and her recommendation to hire Gerry Houlihan.

Lynn's speech denouncing bloggers is already a must-see (part one is above).

Marc's work -- including his epic takedown of Glenn Beck -- is much admired in these parts, and I'm glad to see his firm helping out.

Lynn's letter to Marc's firm is offbeat, to say the least.

It starts by saying she's never heard of these guys and maybe they're related to a restaurant in Coral Gables?

Always a respectful way to begin.

Check out Randazza attorney Jason A. Fischer's reply, which has all of the trademark Randazzoa snark:

As a final point, we are obviously not affiliated in any way with Randazzo’s Little Italy restaurant in Coral Gables. Though we are well acquainted with that establishment’s quality cuisine. We presume that you were simply trying to make some kind of joke – one which nobody found particularly amusing, but one which was quite illustrative of the clear failure on your part to appreciate the seriousness of the charges that are being leveled against your employer. We trust that, should you continue to advise Town Commission on matters of constitutional compliance, you will crack fewer jokes and more volumes of case law.

Ouch.

Surfside Hires Gerald Houlihan For Only $750 an Hour!

Boy do those schleppers in Surfside know how to cut a deal.

For example, after getting hit with a federal lawsuit over a refusal to make some zoning changes to accommodate an expanded synagogue, the town attorney allegedly recommended they hire a federal lawsuit "specialist" who she -- according to this New Times article -- also just happens to be "dating," none other than dashing Gerry Houlihan:

This past December, Young Israel of Bal Harbour — a Jewish congregation that is actually based in Surfside — filed a lawsuit against the town after the town commission voted no to make zoning amendments that would have allowed the group to establish a new synagogue on an 8,000-square-foot lot it had purchased for $1.5 million. Young Israel claimed this was a violation of its members' religious rights, and demanded $5 million in punitive damages.

This sounds like a job for that town attorney. Except Dannheisser opined that the case required a specialist in federal lawsuits. She "looked around for the most experienced litigator," she explained at a recent commission meeting. She officially recommended that the town hire Gerald Houlihan. The Coral Gables attorney and Dannheisser are, by her own public admission, "dating." Houlihan's firm agreed to represent Surfside in the battle against the Jewish congregation for the low, low price of $750 an hour.

What's the problem?

Isn't that the whole point of being a town attorney -- steering business to friends, lovers and former colleagues?

Seriously, why else do it?

(I guess there's also all the free tickets!)

I also think Lynn cut a great deal getting Gerry at a bargain basement rate -- the dude's practically doing this pro bono as a public service -- just listen to Lynn explain it:

Dannheisser's somewhat mind-blowing defense: that Surfside has already obtained the services of another law firm — Weiss, Serota & Helfman — and that she was once a law partner with Joe Serota. Dannheisser boasted that "because of those personal relationships, I have been able to request that the attorneys cut their legal fees from $500 an hour to $250 per hour." That, she claimed, is "the benefit of those relationships."

Indeed.

(Psst -- don't tell anyone about what Michael Pizzi is charging the town of Medley, it might make Gerry seem a little pricey).