"He is Going to Be Arrested and Brought Before Me."

Quick, name which judge was speaking about which lawyer in that quote?

Wrong!

It was Magistrate Judge Turnoff, referring to NY attorney Emmanuel Roy, after Roy failed to show for a contempt hearing:

Emmanuel Roy didn't show up at the federal courthouse in Miami for Friday afternoon's contempt hearing, an absence that was not taken lightly by U.S. Magistrate Judge William Turnoff. Although he stopped short of finding Roy in contempt of court, Turnoff issued a bench warrant for the wayward attorney.

"He is going to be arrested and brought before me," Turnoff said.

Peter Mayas of Plantation didn't fare too well either:

"When a lawyer represents a client, they sign a contract, a retainer," Mayas said outside court Friday. "Mr. Coulton never retained me as his lawyer." He conceded that he was present during at least one legal proceeding for Coulton, but said it was only to assist Roy and not as Coulton's lawyer.

Unimpressed with the distinction, Turnoff said Mayas' denial – uttered in court under oath on May 31 – sounded so much like perjury that he all but invited federal prosecutors to arrest Mayas before he could leave the federal courthouse in downtown Miami. They did not.

Mayas, who is not authorized to practice law in federal court, showed up without a lawyer to represent him Friday and said he could not afford to hire one. He insisted that he never took any money from Coulton.

"Not one check was made in my name," he said. "Not one payment went to me. Why am I being harassed?"

Aah yes, the eternal question and a perfect one for a Monday.