Justice Thomas Thinks Fat, Dumb Low-Wage Deputy Sheriffs Love His Opinions!

I don't know if it's a product of age or just creeping cynicism, but I'm starting to think almost any self-aggrandizing war story is complete bull$%@&.

Take, for example, this utterly implausible anecdote shared by Justice Thomas that just happens to perfectly illustrate an absurd point that the Justice seems to be making about himself -- that his writings are so plain-spoken and easy-to-understand that even menial, random service employees hang on his every word:

He said his own style was accessible to everyone, a point that is open to dispute. Consider, for instance, the opening sentence of his most recent opinion: “The False Claims Act (FCA), 31 U.S.C. §§3729 — 3733, prohibits submitting false or fraudulent claims for payment to the United States, §3729(a), and authorizes qui tam suits, in which private parties bring civil actions in the government’s name, §3730(b)(1).”

In the interview, Justice Thomas provided evidence that his writing is easy to grasp, including a remembered airport encounter with a man he assumed to be a law enforcement official.

“He looked like a deputy sheriff,” Justice Thomas said. “He had a little midriff going.”

“Here’s a guy,” the justice went on, “who looked like he clearly didn’t go to college, who said that ‘I’ve read all your opinions.’ Well, that’s accessibility.”

So we're supposed to believe Justice Thomas bumps into Sheriff Buford T. Justice at an airport and the guy just starts raving about his work and this perfectly validates an imagined point in your mind about how your writing resonates with the common man?

"I loved it when you ruled that if I take bad medicine my claim is pre-empted!"

"Remember that case where you limited my rights if I get discriminated against -- that rocked!"

"That time you slashed punitive damages against Exxon for dumping all that oil in Alaska, me and my boys still chuckle about that."

Whatever you say, Your Honor.