Tips for Old Lawyers!

In a nod to Frank Ramos' entertaining and informative new blog, I offer the following tips for those of us who are old (or merely "old at heart"):

1.  Act like an enormous big shot.

Nothing screams success like immodesty!

2.  At judicial receptions and other Bar events, always refer to judges by their first names -- preferably diminutive nicknames.

This both diminishes their respect and enhances yours!

Bonus -- try to imply that you are the reason they are on the bench in the first place.

"Oh I remember young Freddie Moreno when he was just a wee circuit court judge."

3.  Make sure you cover all big hearings even if you are not prepared and have to look back constantly to the junior partner or senior associate behind you at counsel table who actually knows everything about the case.

This makes you look good before the Court and also you can blame your colleague for not getting you sufficiently prepared for the hearing.

4.  Always -- always -- expect to coast on your reputation and/or credibility.

The reality is your mere presence in the courtroom comes with a presumption of correctness that no facts or binding caselaw can dislodge.

5.  If you are a litigator, have the following three war stories ready:

     A.  The judge was incompetent but the jury saw through to your brilliance.

     B.  The jury was incompetent but the judge saw through to your brilliance.

     C.  Both the judge and jury were incompetent but you won anyway (see below).

 6.  Eat at Loggia's.

(I actually agree with that last one.)

Now go make a name for yourself!

Announcing the All-New SFL Whole Wheat Pasta Bolognaise Foodtruck!

I've decided it's about time I jump right in and tap into the food truck mania that is sweeping South Florida.

And, like any good marketer, I am focusing on a niche market.

In fact, my niche market is exceedingly small -- I plan to park my truck in only one location, 1000 Brickell Ave, and I plan to serve only one item: whole wheat pasta bolognaise.

Why, you may ask, have I focused my new food truck business so narrowly?

Well let's just say I have my reasons, but I assure you they have absolutely nothing to do with certain food rituals observed by certain attorneys at La Loggia:

American Bar Association members and committee heads Melanie Damian and Peter F. Valori were there too, ritually ordering the whole-wheat pasta bolognaise while working hard to sway Florida Bar Business Law chair Michael J. Heiger into steering a portion of his leadership efforts toward the bar organization’s national arm. Heiger, apparently familiar with the payoffs of preparation, arrived at lunch armed with one of his young associates, whom he seemed to be offering up in his place.

"[R]itually ordering the whole-wheat pasta bolognaise"?

Thanks for the tip!

BTW Mike -- nice touch to offer up an unnamed and not-worthy-of-being-mentioned-in-this-article young associate as a sacrificial lamb -- we are talking about the ABA, after all!