Can We Put Dave Samson in the New Marlins Fish Tank?

 
This story about the Marlins not willing to cough up a few bits so displaced Little Havana residents can have a place to park on game day just made my blood boil:

Just last week, Miami city commissioners voted to convert four city-owned lots into parking spaces for Little Havana residents whose on-street parking was eliminated to accommodate traffic around the new Marlins Park.

The only thing missing was about $20,000 to clear the lots, install lighting and throw down some gravel, and another $20,000 or so for annual maintenance and security costs.

Speaking confidently, City Commissioner Frank Carollo stipulated that the funding would not come from city coffers. Both he and Art Noriega, executive director of the Miami Parking Authority, refused to say where they expected to get the money.

On Thursday, a dejected Carollo said he had personally appealed to the Marlins for the money, and was surprised to get a flat-out no from the team’s president, David Samson.

“Obviously I’m disappointed,” said Carollo. “We expected the Marlins were going to help.”

You expected that?  Why?

Like being in an abusive relationship, Miami city commissioners keep thinking the next time will be different -- and are shocked when things unfold exactly the same way, again and again.

Here's an idea -- let's put Dave Samson in the new fish tank behind home plate and see if he can feel the vibrations of drilling a ball repeatedly at the glass with a pitching machine -- I understand slimy scaly bottom-dwellers love that!

BTW, the concerns of animal rights activists are overblown here -- I can't think of a quieter, less populated area for these fish to be than in Marlins stadium on game day.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/03/29/2722543/marlins-park-neighbors-city-hit.html#storylink=cpy

Down the Garvin Hole!

If it's Tuesday, that means the Herald's most prolific writer -- our Twain, our Mencken, our Ed Anger -- must contractually bloviate opiniate on something of interest to somebody still mad at Norman Lear for cancelling Phyllis. 

"Go suck an egg!"  (why did that not catch on??)

In any event, I have decided to take Garvin's column today and convert it to a classic, Al Krieger-style cross in which Garvin will ask a perfectly-phrased leading question and I will have no choice but to answer "yes":

Micky Arison is greedy, correct?

I suppose.

He chased those street vendors away so he can sell overpriced crap in the Arena?

Sure sounds like it.

The Marlins are also greedy, correct?

Umm, well....

Dave Samson crowed about how pathetic and lazy our politicians and voters are, right?

Well, for the most part I happen to agree with him on that.

Samson also said the Marlins might move to San Antonio or Vegas but he didn't really mean it?

Welcome to business, Glenn.

It's wrong that he's telling the truth now, right?

It's wrong you believed him then.

Samson's stepfather owns the Marlins and got him his job?

Welcome to business, Glenn.

I'm the greatest columnist the Herald has, next to Cal Thomas?

You've just asked one question too many.

Did Dave Samson Really Sell the Marlins at Team Awards Banquet?

That's what this lawsuit, filed by Fort Lauderdale attorney Todd Payne, seems to suggest -- am I reading this right?

Here's a little back story by CBSsports.com:

Apparently, back in February of 2008, there was some sort of awards banquet with an auction in Miami. Marlins president David Samson -- who doesn't own the team, mind you -- said the first item up for bid was the Marlins and he'd sell them for $10 million, seemingly as a joke. And a man said he'd bid the $10 million, which was surely seen by everyone in attendance as furthering the joke.

Instead, Omeranz and Landsma Corporation in Florida is now suing the Marlins, believing it bought the Marlins for $10 million and that the Marlins have breached contract. Seriously, here's the court filing PDF, via Sportinlaw.com. 

Surely no one hates Dave Samson's pedestrian and obvious movie reviews more than me, but is there another side to this story?

(There better be.)

Or maybe the rubes in the crowd just don't get his sophisticated sense of humor?

Marlins Financial Records Fiasco -- "I Just Don't See It" Redux

Much ink has been spilled over the last few days over the shocking discovery -- much to the amazement of several Miami-Dade commissioners -- that apparently the Marlins were doing pretty good financially during the very time they were pleading poverty in order to get our tax dollars spent on their stadium:

``It's all very explainable, because the people we negotiated with at the county and city knew everything, our banks know everything, our partners know everything,'' Samson said.

But in an e-mail exchange Tuesday with The Miami Herald, Miami-Dade spokeswoman Victoria Mallette said the county never saw the Marlins' financial records during the negotiations, although it was not surprised to hear the club made money.

Yet several members of the County Commission, who gave their final approval to the stadium's $500 million city-county funding package in March 2009, have expressed shock at the extent of the Marlins' profitability.

The problem I have with this coverage -- which includes fine Miami Herald columnists Fred Grimm and Greg Cote -- is that none of the articles provided any historical perspective to the numbers at issue.

In particular, Adam Beasley's article quotes from Dave Samson, but makes no effort to press him on contradictory statements and positions in the past taken by Marlins representatives (including Samson himself).  And the reader thus has no ability to judge the present positions against the historical record.

This important historical context is not very hard to locate btw.

In fact, we covered the very question of the Marlins' financial condition when Roberto Martinez went into Judge Escharte's courtroom back in June of 2008 and specifically asked for public disclosure of that information because Dave Samson -- incredibly, in my view -- refused to answer any questions about the topic during his deposition:

The Florida Marlins and Miami-Dade County won a slight victory in court Friday when Circuit Court Judge Pedro Echarte Jr. shot down several attempts to get Marlins President David Samson to disclose the ball club's financial picture.

The two sides are readying for a July 1 court date, with auto dealer Norman Braman contending the $609 million stadium and parking garage plan -- to be built with almost $500 million of public money -- doesn't benefit the public.

On Friday, Braman attorney Bob Martinez tried to get Echarte to compel Samson to answer dozens of questions the Marlins executive had waved off when he was deposed earlier this month.

Echarte shot that down, ruling that almost all of Martinez's questions dealing with club finances weren't relevant to the trial.

When Martinez tried to get Samson to hand over projections of attendance, the judge questioned whether such figures are paramount to the public purpose of a stadium. ''I just don't see it,'' Echarte said.

Both sides will be back in court most of this week setting witness questioning and attempting to narrow the proceedings so the trial doesn't run too long. Echarte said he has vacation plans for most of July.

Here's what I wrote back then:

We've all heard Samson cry and whine on Lebby's show about how badly the Marlins are doing financially without a publicly-financed stadium in the picture, but now he refuses to answers questions at a deposition about this very topic? I guess we're stuck with his mediocre and stunningly pedestrian movie reviews instead.

I also don't get the Judge's ruling if it is based -- as it appears to be -- entirely on relevancy grounds. Something has to be completely way off-base for the entire topic to be excluded from discovery on relevancy grounds. Were there other grounds raised? 

"I just don't see it" indeed.

Clause Wiping Out All Public Equity in Marlins Deal Just A "Technicality."

Boy I'd love to negotiate with Miami Mayor Manny Diaz:

But buried deep inside the hundreds of pages that make up the pending stadium deal are nine easy-to-miss words that form a stipulation quickly becoming known as The Death Clause.

It says if Loria dies in those seven years and the team is sold, the public's equity in the team is wiped out.

That means if Loria, 68, left the team to a relative, who then sold the ball club, the heir would get the money otherwise destined for government coffers. The amount could be in the tens of millions of dollars.

In that case, taxpayers would lose the only direct financial return on their 81 percent investment in the estimated $634 million stadium, parking and public-works project.

Hmm, that seems pretty bad. Let's hear from Hizzoner:

Through a spokeswoman, Miami Mayor Manny Diaz called the clause a ''technicality'' -- and pointed out that even if Loria dies, it doesn't necessarily mean the team would be sold within seven years.

Yeah, it's really just a bunch of letters, which form into a series of words. Who the hail cares? Besides, everyone knows mumbo-jumbo "technicalities" are totally unenforceable!

Enjoy this pretzel logic from the Roger Ebert of baseball, Dave Samson:

Loria insisted on the clause, Samson said. But the debate is much ado about nothing, he added, because he expects Loria to outlive the clause's term.

Well, if it's much ado about nothing, why insist on the clause? And if Samson's now doing Loria's actuarial tables and is so sure he's going to live more than seven years, then he should have no problem dropping the clause?

You can read Linda Carroll's lawsuit challenging the deal on Sunshine Act grounds here.

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You, Roberto Martinez!

So, how many of you woke up this morning and found out you were a Super Lawyer? Ahhh, that packet is so cute!

I'm shocked -- shocked -- to learn that the County did not negotiate a very good deal to spend hundreds of millions of tax dollars building a new stadium for the Marlins:

''It's probably not the best deal that has ever been worked out between a community and a team,'' Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez said after his State of the County speech on Tuesday.

You think?

Just ask this lady, after learning of an additional $56 million slashed from the schools budget, which has already suffered more than $300 million in cuts this year alone:

Linda Cohen, a 55-year-old reading teacher at North Miami Beach Senior High School, said the plan was ``insult to injury.''

''We're not just talking about two days,'' said Cohen, whose home was foreclosed on two weeks ago. ``We're talking about what it's doing to our families all over the county.''

But I bet she's a huge Marlins fan!

Has anyone else noticed the similarities between Dave Samson and David Spade's character from The Coneheads movie? Hard to decide who's more unctuous -- ok, it's a tie.

Interesting fact -- did you know the nude beach at Haulover outdraws the Marlins and Dolphins combined?

Hey, facts are funny things.

Oh Roberto! Roberto Roberto Roberto!! Come save us Roberto!

I'm reminded of that great Rudyard Kipling line from The English Flag:

Ye have but my breath to dare,
Ye have but my waves to conquer. Go forth, for it is there!"

Holy hail Roberto Martinez, go forth, for it is there!