3d DCA Watch -- Nail Polish, Elephants And Judge Schwartz

Hi kiddies, it's a cold clear Wednesday, and to be honest I'm still basking in the afterglow. Boy that was fun, huh?

But then I received a nasty letter from opposing counsel that got me pretty steamed so yes, reality is starting to seep back in.

Hail, at this rate I may be all Carvered-up again before this day is done.

Anyways, it's that time of the week when we take a look at our favorite group of resplendently robed opinion-generators, those lovable, laudable coffee-swillers who toil in the warm, comfy confines of that concrete judicial fortress by the highway, yes it's our own patented 3d DCA Watch:

Miami-Dade v. Valdez:

I thought Judge Schwartz was supposed to be retired? Yet here he is, still cranking 'em out in 2009!

This one is an appeal of an "excellent" Judge Venzer appellate division decision, which found that some poor homeowner whose house is now entirely surrounded by highways and commercial property resulted in the continuance of "reverse spot zoning."

What's interesting here is footnote 2, where Judge Schwartz writes:

Legal consequences are “determined not by what [something] is called, but by what it does” and is.

I agree completely with this, btw.

Judge Schwartz continues:

For example, I am called "retired," yet I continue to churn out opinions and sit on appellate panels. And I will continue to do so for the rest of your legal career. That is what I do.

He then added, "so deal with it, you plebes!"

I kid I kid, of course.

But he did actually write this:

Otherwise stated, “you can put nail polish on an elephant, but . . . .”

Hmm, where have I heard something like this before?

Nail polish is a lot like....lipstick. And an elephant is a lot like a....pig.

Could this be a veiled yet timely political reference from our favorite senior jurist?

If you want even more "retired" Judge Schwartz, read his persuasive special concurrence on foreseeability, negligence, and duty of care in Aircraft Logistics v. H.E. Sutton.

Not bad for a retired old dude.