3d DCA Watch -- Worth The Wait.

I got into a debate with someone at the courthouse the other day over which bunker is more secure -- Scott Rothstein's padlocked and elaborately secure Fort Lauderdale lair, or the newly reinforced and fortified judicial bunker by the highway.

In many ways they are similar:

** armed guards -- check;
** intercom and/or pneumatic tube messaging system -- check;
** inhabitants garbed in resplendent robes when preparing court orders -- check;
** miles of concrete poured for no apparent aesthetic purpose -- check.

But hold on -- only one has free coffee, right?

Sorry Scotty, I have to go with my heart (and stomach) on this one.

So let's see what word tea our master brewers have prepared for us (one day late) this week:

Cohn v. The Grand:

Anyone remember that Phil Collins song from the 80s, Pom-Pom-ponio?

(Man, what the hail were we thinking?)

Well Judge Cope does, and he pulls out that old chestnut to do a "substantial impairment" analysis of a condo regulation.

I've never been a fan of the "substantial impairment" test -- haven't we all been substantially impaired at least once in life -- maybe in college at least?

Even a statute deserves a second chance.

But it is what it is, and under the Pomponio analysis that dumb legislature went ahead and impaired contractual relations for no good reason -- just because they think they can, that's why.

But then that's why we have courts, right?

Right?

Bell Care Nurses v. Continental Casualty:

See, this is why I do this blog.

Here's Judge Schwartz referencing a classic Alan King comedy bit (sorry Judge, I couldn't find it on YouTube):

An ever-diminishing few of us remember Alan King’s story about a homeowner with a fire and theft policy who made a claim when his house burned down. He was met with the company’s denial of coverage on the ground that he needed instead a fire or theft policy and that, as written, the policy applied only if he were robbed while his house was on fire.

This case shows that things never really change.

And there's more:

We now revert to a traditional, formulaic, non-discursive discussion of the case before us.

Hey -- why so soon?

Don't do it on our account, we like nontraditional, wildly unformulaic, discursive opinions much better.

(And sorry about the ruling, Laura).

That was great of the Judge to bring up Alan King. Alan was a great stand up, fine actor, and wrote some really superb books, including Is Salami and Eggs Better Than Sex? and his reflections on growing up, Matzo Balls For Breakfast

My personal favorite is I believe his first book, Help! I'm A Prisoner in a Chinese Bakery -- a skewering of the newly emerging Mad Men-era suburbia that still holds up today -- and sadly out of print, just like Alan.

RIP old man.