Stuart Slotnick, My Hero.

Remember when Buchanan Ingersoll had an Aventura and Miami office? You know, back when there were solvent banks and real estate clients and that kind of thing.

Hey, what do you know? I guess technically they still do.

Hi Jack Kessler and Richard Morgan!

Listen Jack and Richard, I want you to talk to your New York partner Stuart Slotnick. This guy is one goyishe kup.

I guess Slotnick's client American Apparel used images of Woody Allen on billboards as part of a marketing campaign. Allen does no advertising of any kind in the United States and did not authorize the advertisements.

So Woody sued and Slotnick began to act just like the kind of lawyer his photograph suggests he may actually be:

The new court papers said American Apparel has "adopted a `scorched earth' approach," issuing broad document requests and subpoenas to many people close to him, including his sister.

Allen's lawyers said the company was seeking to "tarnish Mr. Allen's reputation a second time" and called it a "despicable effort to intimate" him.

Now I guess Slotnick's argument is the value of Woody's image has been diminished as a result of his sex scandal a decade or so ago.

I think there is some legitimacy to that argument.

But what to make of this:

"American Apparel lawyer Stuart Slotnick said the company plans to make Allen's relationships to actress Mia Farrow and her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn, whom Allen married, the focus of a trial scheduled to begin in federal court in Manhattan on May 18.

'Woody Allen expects $10 million for use of his image on billboards that were up and down in less than one week,' Slotnick said. 'I think Woody Allen overestimates the value of his image.'"

Stuart, the focus of the trial? Its focus?

I can't imagine any fair use or public domain-type arguments that would have permitted Slotnick's client to use that image from Annie Hall as part of an advertising campaign. So liability seems pretty clear to me.

But wouldn't a more accurate measure of Woody's endorsement value be the amount he charges for similar ads in Europe or Japan?

Oh well.

The heart wants what the heart wants, right Stu?