Hello, You've Got (Rat Turd) Mail!

Have you ever thought opposing counsel's letter was just plain full of crap? No, I mean it literally:

''Infested with mice,'' her lawyer, Gerald Kornreich, alleges in an emergency motion.

One of Reuther's attorneys, Dirk Lorenzen, says Reuther is the dad, no question, and is generous with the kids. He has paid more than $13,000 this month in rent and support, court docs say.

Her apartment, overlooking the bay, would list for $500,000-plus, Lorenzen adds. Reuther rents the adjacent apartment. Onyewenjo claims Reuther once ''pushed his way'' into her unit, ``screaming and threatening her.''

Lorenzen calls the alleged rodent problem a ''litigation fairy tale.'' If there are critters, they could have stowed away ``in one of the boxes or pieces of furniture moved from North Bay Road where there was a mouse and rat problem.''

Kornreich's response: ''Mice and/or rat droppings'' sent in a letter to Lorenzen and Reuther's other lawyers, Christopher Klein and Thomas Baur. ''We are only enclosing a small sample to avoid a large mess in your offices and remain professional,'' says the letter, now an exhibit in the court file.

Let me try to understand this -- Gerald Kornreich encloses rat turds in a letter to another lawyer "to remain professional"?

Tell you what, I'm glad I don't practice in divorce court. Besides obvious Rule 901 evidentiary issues, you gotta feel for the office staff on all sides involved in the transmission and receipt of that lovely correspondence.